Is Justin Trudeau the Son of Menno Simons?


New photographic evidence suggests Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau just might be the son of early Anabaptist leader Menno Simons.

“The eyebrows, the nose, the wavy hair, even the distance between his eyes – it’s all there,” said local man Karl Thiessen. “Shave the beard and he’s a dead ringer. I’m surprised no one ever noticed this before. It’s uncanny.”

Thiessen has also uncovered a photo of Justin eating Old Dutch “rapple chaps” and found evidence that Justin’s mother Margaret spent some time in 16th-century Friesland.

“We know she was there right around the time Justin was born,” said Thiessen, “give or take a century or two.”

This familiar connection to Menno Simons has also been cited as the reason why Justin Trudeau is so beloved by 21st-century Canadian Mennonites.

“Trudeau-mania has hit southern Manitoba pretty hard. Everywhere you go people are holding ‘F*** Trudeau’ signs,” said Thiessen. “It’s a little vulgar, I’d say, but I get the appeal. He’s a handsome man. I guess he gets that from his father.”

Recently uncovered forensic evidence also points to an uncanny resemblance between Pierre Poilievre and 19th-century doomsday cultist Claas Epp Jr.

(JT photo credit: Alex Guibord/CC)

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