Why that Mennonite Boy is Not Texting You Back

The worst thing about dating these days is when your crush takes, like, totally forever to text you back or doesn’t text back at all! Well I’ve texted with many Mennonite boys, so I know what I’m talking about. Don’t worry, girls, it’s not always bad news. Sometimes there are very good reasons why Abe isn’t texting back. Let’s have a look at some reasons why he’s just not texting you back!

  • You should’ve sent the pic with the sexy black bonnet – I know you went back and forth trying to decide between the white bonnet and the black bonnet. Susan Martens even suggested no bonnet at all. (That would have been a really bad choice). Anyway, one reason he’s not texting you could be your choice of bonnet. Send the other pic and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised with his reply!
  • It’s harvest season – During harvest and/or manure-spreading season, Mennonite boys do not have time for texting. They are working long hours and hardly even have time to shower let alone text with Maria Dueck. Once the crops are in, send a pleasant little emoji and wait for your Mennonite beau’s response!
  • He can’t figure out how to make the umlaut on his iPhone – Writing in proper Plautdietsch is difficult with these new fangled gadgets. Maybe your Peter Wiebe wants to make sure he’s got the message just right before sending it to you.
  • He’s met another cousin – You have to get worried every time there’s a family gathering. Especially with the Petkaus. They’re known for producing especially attractive cousins. If the worst happens, and he marries her, just move on and start texting Johan Hiebert. He was your second choice all along.
  • He doesn’t get good cell reception out in the Chaco – Mennonites tend to live in remote areas with dreadful cell reception. Maybe he didn’t even get your text or maybe he can’t reply because he’s out over by Loma Plata somewheres.
  • His mother does not approve of you – You may have to consider the very real possibility that his mother does not approve of you. Don’t take it personally. She’s very particular. She wants her son to marry Reverend Loewen’s daughter. Don’t worry, though. I hear the Reverend’s daughter has got her eye on Timmy Bueckert. Once the two of them get hitched, your crush will be back on the market and ready for texting!
  • He’s not into Mennonites – Gone are the days when you could just assume a Mennonite boy would want a Mennonite girl. These days some Mennonite boys are experimenting with dating Lutherans and Baptists. I’m a pretty modern thinker, so I say, just leave them be. If Heinrich wants to date a Calvinist for a while, just let him see how that goes. Be patient. This may be just a phase.
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