‘Trump’-Branded Buildings Soar in Value After Being Renamed in Honour of Mennonite Martyrs


Residents of many Trump-branded buildings across the continent have sought to have their residences re-named after the controversial leader was elected President last week. Instead of ‘Trump Tower’ or ‘Trump Place,’ many of the buildings will now be named after Mennonite martyrs from centuries past.

“Most New Yorkers aren’t really up on their Anabaptist history,” said Trump Tower resident Martin Silone. “So, there’s very little chance of these names offending anyone…unless they find out these folks were pacifists – then we’re in big trouble.”

The rent for a two-bedroom apartment at Felix Mantz Tower sky-rocketed from a reasonable $4500 a month to the outrageous sum of $6300 after the building was renamed.

“We’re finding that the Mennonite brand really goes a long way,” said Silone. “Especially since most people have no clue what a Mennonite is.”

The soaring prices have also been attributed to the sudden dramatic increase of Mennonites leaving their Pennsylvania farms for the big city.

Meanwhile, Manhattan residents who were forced out of their homes after the rent hike are desperately scouring craigslist for available spots in the more affordable buildings that decided to retain the Trump name.

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