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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Finishes ‘Peace Shall Destroy Many’

May 18, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Ron Wall, 59, has finally finished reading Rudy Wiebe’s Peace Shall Destroy Many, which has been sitting on his nightstand since the late 70s. “I’m not much of a reader,” said […]

Unger Suspicion

Letter to Small Town Paper Solves Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

February 28, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After decades, perhaps centuries, of controversy, a few heated letters to the editor of a small town Manitoba newspaper were instrumental in finally solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict once and for all. “I can’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Uses Female Pen Name to Submit Recipes to Mennonite Cookbook

February 4, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Local man Mr. Benjamin Harms has been writing recipes under the pseudonym Martha Pankratz for the past thirty years. With this female pen name he has published recipes including schnetke, buttazupand a delightful jellied veal […]

Unger Suspicion

George Orwell Elected Mayor of Lancaster, Pennsylvania

November 21, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA In reaction to the recent increase of people being nice and friendly and sticking to the rules, the predominantly Amish city of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, has decided to elect dystopian author George Orwell as […]

Unger Suspicion

Pastor’s Wife Plagiarizes Michelle Obama

July 25, 2016 Andrew

NEWTON, KS A well-meaning pastor’s wife from Newton has come under fire recently for unintentionally plagiarizing a speech by First Lady Michelle Obama. While politely conversing at a women’s quilting bee this past week, Melanie Dunkel, […]

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