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The Daily Bonnet

Winkler to Implement New ‘ArriveVankla’ App

September 22, 2022 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Just as the federal government is set to scrap the glitchy ArriveCan app, the city of Winkler has decided to add a new “ArriveVankla” app for all visitors from Jantsied or Morden yet […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Census Data Identifies ‘English mixed with Plautdietsch and a bit of regular German mixed in yet’ as Most Popular Language in Winkler

September 7, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Recently released figures from Stats Canada show that English with a sprinkling of Low and High German is the most common mother tongue in the RM of Winkler yet once. “Oh, jauma, they […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jant Sied Story Takes Home Top Prize at Mennonite Oscars

April 8, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The annual Mennonite Oscars and Faspa were held in the MB church basement in Winkler this afternoon, with the top prize going to the epic Anabaptist musical Jant Sied Story. “It’s a tale […]

The Daily Bonnet

Assiniboine Zoo Now Has Higher Vaccination Rate than Southern Manitoba

March 11, 2022 Andrew

RM of STANLEY, MB After vaccinating dozens of animals against Covid-19 this week, the Assiniboine Zoo in Winnipeg officially has a higher vaccination rate than the RM of Stanley near Winkler. “Ahh, nice, looks like […]

Unger & Thirst

Massive Shared Chicken Chef to Open Between Morden and Winkler

March 6, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN-WINKLER, MB After the unparalleled success of a shared hospital, the rival southern Manitoba cities of Morden and Winkler have agreed to build a massive Chicken Chef equidistant between the two communities. “The time for […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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