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watermelon

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Hospitalized After Eating Too Far Into the Green Part

August 4, 2019 Andrew

MANITOBA COLONY, MEXICO Mr. Wiebe had to be rushed to the hospital in Cuauhtemoc this week after he failed to heed the warnings of all those around him and ate well into the green part. […]

Unger & Thirst

Lutheran Man Joins Mennonite Church After Discovering Roll Kuchen

July 6, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Schmidt of Steinbach has been a life-long attendee at the local Lutheran Church. However, after discovering roll kuchen this week, he decided to abandon the faith of his childhood and join the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Spends Five Hours Selecting Watermelon

June 23, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mrs. Fehr, 63, had to make sure she got just the right watermelon for her faspa this Sunday and so she spent more than five hours knocking, tapping, poking and shaking various melons […]

The Daily Bonnet

Choking Mennonite Man Saved by the Heinrichs Maneuver

June 15, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Local man, Mr. Wiebe fe’schuckled himself on a watermelon seed at the church picnic this weekend, but thanks to some quick thinking by one of the Heinrichs boys, he was saved. “I […]

Unger & Thirst

Liberal Mennonite Church Approves the Use of Seedless Watermelons

August 2, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most progressive Mennonite church, the EAMBCM, is causing waves this week after the elder board voted to approve the consumption of seedless watermelons at church picnics. “I knew that church was full of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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