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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wins Nobel Peace Prize for Remembering to Lift the Toilet Seat

March 29, 2024 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Devoted husband and father of four, Bert Harder, 51, just received word this week that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize for being the first Mennonite man to lift the toilet seat. […]

Unger Suspicion

Lineup for Women’s Washroom Stretches 10 Miles

April 12, 2023 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The lineup for the women’s washroom after church this Sunday stretched more than 10 miles south and caused a traffic jam on Macleod Trail in Calgary. “Diewel, that’s a long line,” said Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends All Day Fighting with Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser

July 14, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mr. Eby of Waterloo spent more than 6 hours at his local Walmart this afternoon trying to get the automatic paper towel dispenser to recognize him. “It’s worse than milking a cow,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends Two Hours Selecting Least Awkward Urinal

July 6, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona man Pat Rempel, 47, spent more than two hours selecting the proper urinal position during a trip to a Winnipeg shopping mall this week. “Okay, okay, Pat, you can do this,” he […]

Unger Suspicion

Study: 99% of Anti-Vax “Research” Occurs While Taking a Dump

August 28, 2021 Andrew

FARGO, ND A new study shows that the overwhelming majority of anti-vax research occurs whilst the researcher is doing a number two. “We geolocated all the top anti-vax researchers and found almost all of them […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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