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theology

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Converts JWs at the Front Door

January 5, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB On a frosty winter morning, after a marathon theological discussion that lasted almost five hours, Mr. Peter Siemens of Altona successfully converted the Jehovah’s Witnesses at his front door. “I was still in […]

Unger Conviction

Church with 250 Members Splits into 250 Churches

January 2, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA After a particularly heated membership meeting this past week, the South Lancaster Mennonite Church has decided to split the entire congregation into more manageable units of one. “At first we decided to just […]

Unger Conviction

Man Escapes Mennonite Section of Heaven, Shocked at What He Finds

December 30, 2017 Andrew

HEAVEN Mr. Abe Penner passed away in January 1968 and, for almost fifty years, had been living a quiet peaceful existence in the Mennonite section of Heaven, blissfully unaware of the vast expanse of Paradise […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor Breaks Down, Admits Entire Sermon Was Just Fake News

November 23, 2017 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Pastor Johan Burkholder of South Elkhart Mennonite Church shocked the congregation on Sunday by admitting his entire six-week sermon series on the Book of Revelation was just “fake news.” “I’m sorry, I just […]

Unger Suspicion

Mormon Missionaries Find Mennonite Town ‘Totally Confusing’

June 20, 2017 Andrew

LANDSKRON, MB After knocking on doors in Mennonite country for the past two years, a pair of Mormon missionaries just can’t figure out why they’re not making more progress. “It’s baffling. We’re likeable, friendly guys, with […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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