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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Loses Thousands Betting on Replays of Last Year’s Football Games

June 20, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mr. Unger was so excited to finally be able to watch some Canadian football games this week that he bet his friend Mr. Toews more than ten thousand dollars that the Ticats […]

Unger Suspicion

Yosemite Sam Gives Up His Guns, Plans to Attend Anabaptist Seminary this Fall

June 13, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Longtime gun-totter Yosemite Sam just announced he’s laying down his arms and plans to enroll in the seminary at nearby Fresno Pacific University this fall. “It was a Road to Damascus moment for […]

The Daily Bonnet

CBS Airs New Show ‘The Amazing Race: Quarantine Edition’

April 22, 2020 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN With borders shut and flights grounded across the globe, CBS has cobbled together a new show called ‘Amazing Race: Quarantine Edition’ which features the Epp family of Mountain Lake, Minnesota and is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner Kids Have Been Watching Nothing But ‘Frozen 2’ All Day Every Day for the Past Two Weeks

March 30, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Seemingly unable to watch anything else at all these days, the Penner kids of Hillsboro have had Frozen 2 up on the flatscreen Samsung for the past two weeks straight. “Ugh, they’re not […]

Unger Games

Local Man So Bored He’d Even Be Willing to Watch Baseball

March 23, 2020 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Like many people these days, local sports fan J.R. Goerzen, 43, is going bonkers without any sports to watch. It’s gotten so bad that Goerzen has been flipping the channels hoping to see […]

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