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teetotaler

Unger & Thirst

Entire Province Forced to Live Like Mennonites as Liquor Stores Close

August 11, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Manitoba’s Mennonite population surged to 1.4 million this week as liquor stores across the province have forced everyone to become teetotalers. “What the hell am I going to drink this weekend?” said local […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man to Start Drinking Bud Light Just So He Has Something to Boycott

April 7, 2023 Andrew

SCHANZENBERG, MB After Bud Light apparently went “woke” this week, conservative country singers are urging folks to join them in a boycott of the brewing company. This came as a great disappointment for Mr. Dave […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Invite You to Celebrate their Heritage by Abstaining from Drinking and Dancing All Week

September 14, 2021 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON It’s Mennonite Heritage Week once again and that means all Canadians are welcome to join us as we refrain from drinking and dancing all this week. “It’s going to be to most […]

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More from the unger review

  • ‘Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Abes’ Opens in Mennonite Town
    January 17, 2019
  • Buns Discovered in Mennonite Grandma’s Freezer Carbon Date to 5 Million Years Old
    February 3, 2018
  • Streaker Disrupts Mennonite Church Service
    June 6, 2017
  • Six Hospitalized After Jesus Takes the Wheel
    August 30, 2018
  • Mennonite Church Approves ‘Scandalous’ New Hemline
    November 15, 2018

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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