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sports

The Daily Bonnet

Eastern Mennonite University Gets New Mascot

July 6, 2017 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA In an effort to more accurately represent the great Anabaptist tradition of the school, Eastern Mennonite University has decided to replace the Royal’s blue lion with an Australian emu. “We really feel the […]

Unger Games

Toronto Riots After Discovering It’s Not the Centre of Canada

June 26, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Toronto City Council held an emergency meeting this past week after a large ‘Centre of Canada’ sign was erected on the highway near the small town of Landmark, Manitoba. “What on earth is this?” asked […]

Unger Games

Canadian Football League to Add Third Team Named ‘Rough Riders’

June 21, 2017 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK In an effort to expand their appeal in central Saskatchewan, the Canadian Football League recently announced expansion to Saskatoon for the 2017 season. The new team is to be known as the ‘Roughriders.’ […]

The Daily Bonnet

Horseshoes-Related Injuries Soar in 2017

June 1, 2017 Andrew

MARCHAND, MB After a slow summer last year with less than twenty concussions and two fatalities, the number of horseshoes-related injuries has soared to record heights in Manitoba this spring. If the pace continues, it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Team of Paraguayan Mennonites Defeats Canadian National Soccer Team

May 23, 2017 Andrew

ASUNCION, PARAGUAY A group of guys from the Fernheim Colony, Paraguay took on the Canadian men’s national soccer team in Asuncion this past week and came away with a resounding five to nil victory. The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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