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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Takes Home the Super Bowl

February 7, 2021 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Mrs. Esther Friesen, 82, of Newton, Kansas managed to sneak into the church kitchen this Sunday and grab the 1970s Tupperware bowl that she’d left there before the pandemic began last year. “I’m […]

Unger Games

Calgary Defeats Winnipeg 5 Bogus Slashing Calls to 3

February 4, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB In an effort to get more pacifists watching the game, the NHL has imposed a new minimum of five bogus slashing calls per game. “The team with the fewest bogus slashing calls wins,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

No One Elected to Baseball Hall of Fame Except for this One Mennonite Dude from Rosenhof

January 28, 2021 Andrew

COOPERSTOWN, NY Move over Curt Schilling. For the second time in the last ten years, the Baseball Hall of Fame has decided that absolutely no one except for a Warkentin from Rosenhof was worthy of induction. […]

Unger Games

Empty Arenas Give Canadian Fans an ‘Authentic Florida Hockey Experience’

January 18, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Eager to share an authentic Florida hockey experience with its northern fans, the NHL has decided to play the entire season in empty arenas. “I think those Canadian fans don’t know what it’s […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Allowed to Reopen After Agreeing to Host Sunday Morning Floor Hockey Tournaments

January 13, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A church in Winnipeg will be reopening this Sunday after agreeing to host a floor hockey tournament and not do any praying or singing. “It was some tough negotiating, but the government agreed […]

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