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The Daily Bonnet

New Fitness Program Encourages Mennonites to Literally LMAO

October 9, 2021 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB A new fitness centre in Plum Coulee is offering Mennonites in the surrounding area the opportunity to literally laugh their asses off. The new weight-loss program brings in old Mennonite men who […]

Unger Games

International Olympic Committee Requires All Athletes to Wear One of those Borat Mankinis

July 29, 2021 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN The lechers in charge of the International Olympic Committee are requiring all athletes, regardless of gender or sport, to wear one of those Borat mankinis or else face massive fines. “You wear what […]

Unger Games

Edmonton Elks to Face the Calgary Grammar Police in Season Opener

June 13, 2021 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB The Edmonton Elks will face the Calgary Grammar Police in the CFL season opener on August 6 at Commonwealth Stadium. “It’ll be a battle for the ages as the Calgary Grammar Police will […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pitcher Throws No-Hitter While High on Yerba Mate

May 27, 2021 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC It was fifty years ago today that Pieta Ens, rookie phenom for the Montreal Axpos, threw a complete game no-hitter while high on what many believe was yerba mate. “His demeanor was erratic, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Becomes Conscientious Objector After Watching Too Many Hockey Fights

May 24, 2021 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Mr. Eby of Kitchener was very excited to watch the Leafs game this afternoon, but after binging on the NHL for the past week, has decided he’s boycotting the spot entirely from now […]

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