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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Still Waiting in Line at Penner Foods Parcel Pick-up

August 2, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Almost thirty years after the store shut down, the Schellenberg family of Steinbach is still waiting on parcel #87 at the parcel pickup line at Penner Foods. “Martha’s birthed three children in this […]

Unger Suspicion

School’s Out! Back-to-School Shopping Begins!

June 30, 2018 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Just seconds after Calgary students were released for summer vacation, advertisers began pestering their parents to begin their back-to-school shopping. “Pencils, binders, backpacks, and all the latest fashions. We’ve got it all,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘State of Emergency’ Declared at Steinbach Garage Sale Riot

May 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Prime Minister Trudeau has followed in his father’s footsteps and invoked the War Measures Act to deal with the increasing hostility during garage sales in the small Mennonite town of Steinbach, Manitoba. In […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ten Thousand Villages Celebrates Ten Thousand Years of Service

May 12, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA Founded by the Mennonite Central Committee in approximately 8,000 BC, this year Ten Thousand Villages stores are celebrating 10,000 years of selling fair trade products. “I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure we’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Nylons Now Come in Three New Shades of Brown

April 29, 2018 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Mennonite ladies across Southern Manitoba were excited to discover all the new shades of brown being offered by their local nylon stocking supplier. In addition to the classic chestnut brown, Mennonite nylons now […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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