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science

The Daily Bonnet

Spectacular Northern Mennonites Light Up the Night Sky

October 14, 2021 Andrew

SELKIRK, MB Thousands of people across North America set up their cameras last night to witness a specular show by the Northern Mennonites. “We had Menno Simons. Dirk Willems. Even Miriam Toews made an appearance,” […]

Unger Suspicion

“That’s a personal question”: Area Politician Remains Silent on Science and Logic

August 2, 2021 Andrew

ONNWEEHTENHEIT, MB While many politicians, from all political stripes, have publicly come out in favour of science and logic, a few are refusing to answer the question, saying that “my family’s personal stance on these […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Sells ‘Amazing Miracle Elixir’ that Cures Gullibility

July 12, 2021 Andrew

FRIEDENSFELD, MB Renowned local trajchtmoaka Abe Unger has generated a lot of excitement in southern Manitoba this week with the release of his “amazing new miracle elixir that’ll cure you of everything from gullibility to taking […]

Quizzes

“When Will I Get the Vaccine?” A Calculator for Mennonites

December 27, 2020 Andrew

Today we’re going to answer the question that every Mennonite’s been asking: “Oba, just when will I get the vaccine yet?” After answering just five questions, this handy calculator will help you figure out how […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Fearless” Invading Army Chased Out of Steinbach By a Gardening Implement

November 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was a battle for the ages … or as close as it gets in a town full of pacifists, anyway. A “brave and mighty” army of “fearless” warriors from Winnipeg (and a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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