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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Church Bans ‘Roll Up the Rim’ as Gambling

March 5, 2018 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC The South Chilliwack Gospel Mennonite Church has banned members from rolling up the rim at Tim Hortons, as it violates the church’s strict teaching against games of chance. The church took the action […]

Unger & Thirst

A List of Mennonite Fortune Cookie Messages

January 23, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A Chinese restaurant in the Steinbach area is offering a local twist on the traditional fortune cookie. Instead of general message of good fortune, the cookies will now contain more distinctly Mennonite fortunes. […]

Unger & Thirst

Server Left Waiting Awkwardly at the Table for Mennonite Couple to Finish Praying

January 21, 2018 Andrew

FARGO, ND Poor Diana, a third year NDSU student and part-time server at Chili’s, was left standing at the table for half an hour holding a Mix & Match trio of steak, shrimp and chicken […]

Unger & Thirst

Top Local Chefs to Stage Fancy Dinner on Frozen Blumenort Lagoon

January 19, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Manitoba’s most famous chefs will be setting aside the comforts of high-end Winnipeg restaurants this winter for a three week pop-up restaurant on the frozen Blumenort lagoon. ‘COOKED: Blumenort’ will feature all the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Steakhouse Adds Fried Bologna to Menu

December 13, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Purple Koo, Abbotsford’s toniest steakhouse, is about to get a little bit tonier, with the addition of prime cut grade A fried bologna to the menu. The addition of bologna is in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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