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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Asks Doctor for ‘Tipping Exemption’

November 21, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Frugal local man Dan Kehler has just asked his doctor for an official certificate stating that he is “medically incapable of tipping.” “It causes me such angst to tip,” said Kehler, “and I […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Spends Romantic Evening at Applebee’s

October 6, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB With the kids at Oma and Opa’s, the Thiessens of Steinbach decided to head to the city with their freshly minted vax cards and have a few mozza sticks. “Jauma, my Peter is […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Can’t Figure Out Whether to Go to Abbotsford or Chilliwack ‘White Spot’

September 22, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC The Driedgers of Yarrow found themselves in quite the predicament this Sunday when they decided to venture down the highway for lunch and found far too many White Spots locations for them to […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pantsers Demand Their Constitutional Rights

September 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Thousands of angry anti-pantsers invaded Leamington this week and decided to dine at local restaurants without sporting any bottoms whatsoever. “I’ve never had to use so much Lysol in all my life,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Medium Salsa Proves Far Too Spicy for Mennonite Man

August 23, 2021 Andrew

BRANDON, MB Local man Joel Wiebe of Rosenort was on his way to visit his cousins in Swift Current when he decided to stop by in Brandon for a bite of delicious Mexican food. Dazzled […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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