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Unger & Thirst

Abbotsford Man Spends All Afternoon on IQ Tester at Ricky’s

June 12, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mr. Franz nursed a bowl of Rempel’s Farmer Sausage soup and spent the entire afternoon trying to get to the bottom of this perplexing IQ Tester at his local Ricky’s restaurant. “I’ve been […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Claims “Natural Immunity to Tipping”

March 17, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Area man Garth Toews claims he doesn’t need any medical intervention for his chronic lack of tipping. “I have natural immunity to tipping,” said Toews. “Every time I reach for my wallet, there’s […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Orders Every Liquid on the Menu

January 17, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Local woman Diane Schmidt, 66, of Calgary was at her neighbourhood Humpty’s on Sunday morning for what she thought was a simple cup of coffee but instead became the most impressive marathon of […]

Unger & Thirst

Adventurous Mennonite Man Opts for Schintjefleesch Over Foarmaworsht

December 30, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Colin Berg is being hailed as “Steinbach’s most adventurous eater” this week after he went out on a limb and ordered the ham rather than the farmer sausage to accompany his vereniki. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Asks Doctor for ‘Tipping Exemption’

November 21, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Frugal local man Dan Kehler has just asked his doctor for an official certificate stating that he is “medically incapable of tipping.” “It causes me such angst to tip,” said Kehler, “and I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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