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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Prefers to be Three Hours Early Rather than Three Minutes Late

December 20, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The Schellenbergs of Landmark set off on a journey to Altona this weekend to visit the Wiebes and naturally they decided to be a full three hours early. “It’s an hour’s drive and we […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Facebook Algorithm Only Shows Posts from Your 26 Closest Frintschoft

June 5, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA A study conducted in Fresno, California indicates that Facebook is now only showing posts from your 26 closest frintschoft and has completely blocked posts by Uncle Jake. “Blocking Uncle Jake is no loss, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Clingy Mennonite Aunt Making Tally of All the Hugs You’ll Owe Her When This is Over

April 5, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC Ever since the pandemic broke out, Taunte Liza of Yarrow has been making a daily tally of all the hugs she’s missing out on and plans to cash in big time once this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Extended Family Gathering Relegated to Well Outside the Christmas Week

January 3, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Now that all the Krahn cousins have grown up and have children of their own, the Krahn gathering has been relegated to sometime in January at the Pizza Place for “whoever can […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Smother Relatives with Wet Kisses at this Afternoon’s Gathering

December 26, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Penner, 71, plans to slobber all over each and every member of the Penner family at the gathering in the basement of the MB church in Chilliwack this afternoon. “Watch out, Penners, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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