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Unger & Thirst

Area Man Mistakes Freedom Convoy for Timmies Line

January 27, 2022 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON Local man Dan Friesen, 51, was heading out for his daily double-double and chocolate cream glazed, when he entered what he thought was just the regular Timmies line. “I thought nothing of […]

Unger Conviction

Oba, But Winkler Already is a “Sanctuary City” Yet

September 4, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A protest in Winkler this week had some people calling for the creation of a “sanctuary city” where people would be free to do the opposite of what makes sense just to be […]

Unger Suspicion

Government Now Requiring Masks to Fully Cover Douchey Neck Tattoos

May 3, 2021 Andrew

THUNDER BAY, ON After nationwide protests saw a “disturbing” presence of neck tattoos, bleach-blonde hair, and mirrored sunglasses, the Government of Canada issued a new health advisory requiring “all douchey neck tattoos” to be fully […]

Unger Suspicion

Millions Flee “Communist” Canada for a Better Life in Russia

May 2, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Millions of angry Trudeau-hating mask-hating Canadians have left the country en masse and are heading for a new glorious life in post-Soviet Russia. “Ever since Canada became a Communist country a few months […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Protestors Fight Amongst Themselves Over How to Split the Fine

April 26, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a delightful gathering at the Forks this Sunday, 1200 of Winnipeg’s most conscientious citizens found themselves in the quintessential Canadian dilemma: fighting over who was going to foot the bill. “Hey, everybody, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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