Mennonite Woman’s Salads Consist Mostly of Whipped Cream


First-time attendees at a recent church potluck were shocked to discover just what passes for salad in Mennonite country. The Bennett family of Toronto ventured out of the big city to visit relatives in Leamington and were baffled by the wide range of “salads” all of which seemed to contain copious amounts of Cool Whip.

“I always thought salad implied some sort of green vegetable, you know like lettuce or cucumber or something,” said Mrs. Bennett. “But these Mennonites have a whole wide world of salad that I wasn’t even aware existed.”

The outsiders were dazzled by the variety of whipped cream-based salads at the potluck, which included whipped cream and oranges, whipped cream and pistachios, and whipped cream and cherries.

“That last one also contained a lot of Jell-O,” said Mrs. Bennett. “There wasn’t a vegetable to be seen for miles around. It’s like these Mennonites consume nothing but huge chunks of red meat and highly-processed dairy.”

Potluck organizer Mrs. Brandt, 85, was quick to defend the reputation of her church.

“I tried bringing a bean salad once but there were so many leftovers, Henry was eating nothing but legumes for months,” said Mrs. Brandt. “After that, I learned my lesson. It’s whipped cream or bust!”

The Bennetts of Toronto say they found Mennonite customs a little strange, but after consuming so much sugar on Sunday they’ve developed a dependance and might be back for next week’s potluck.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Brandt said Mennonite salads are nothing to be ashamed of and, “besides,” she said, “you should see what passes for ‘salad’ in Germany.”

(photo credit: Rochelle Hartman/CC)

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