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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Choir Reveals New Third Jersey

September 16, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Osterwick Old Colony Choir and Farmer Sausage Co-operative has revealed a new alternate jersey for the 2018-2019 season. The new jersey, which contains purple flowers rather than the regular blue or yellow, […]

Unger Suspicion

Jets Ink Morrissey to Long Term Deal

August 22, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After months of negotiation the Winnipeg Jets announced today that they have inked legendary British alternative rocker Morrissey to a five-year deal. “We’re really glad to have Morrissey locked up for the next […]

Unger Suspicion

Don Cherry Says Suit is Inspired By Mennonite Floor Patterns

May 31, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON CBC broadcasting legend Don Cherry is known for his loud clothing, but throughout the playoffs he has been sporting “suits inspired by Mennonite floor patterns.” “I’ve been to Neubergthal and the museum there […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Hockey Fan Emerges from House for the First Time in Many Months

May 21, 2018 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Local hockey fan Peter Klassen, 48, left his house for very first time in months, after the Winnipeg Jets lost to the Vegas Golden Nights on Sunday afternoon. “Ach, the light, the bright […]

Unger Suspicion

Bettman Throws Massive Street Party to Celebrate Last Canadian Team Being Eliminated from Playoffs

May 20, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There was champagne flowing at NHL headquarters in New York City today, as long time NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman spared no expense in celebrating the fact that, once again, only American teams […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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