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Unger Suspicion

Burton Cummings to Donate His Moustache to Charity

October 1, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Legendary Canadian rocker Burton Cummings is set to become a little bit lighter this weekend after agreeing to shave his signature moustache and auction it off for charity. “We’re thinking his moustache could […]

Unger Suspicion

Sparse Crowd at Nickelback Concert, Mostly Just Mennonites

September 21, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It seems that a few dozen Mennonites from rural Manitoba are the only people in the country who don’t realize how bad a band Nickelback really is. With thousands of tickets left for […]

Unger Conviction

90% of Heavy Metal Bands Fronted by Pastors’ Sons

September 10, 2017 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A new study out of the University of Middle Harrisonburg reveals that the vast majority of heavy and/or death metal bands are fronted by the sons of pastors, frequently of the Mennonite or […]

Unger Conviction

Eclipse Glasses Recommended for Sunday’s Worship Service

August 22, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Waters of Blessing, an area church well known for its mind-blowing worship hour, is urging parishioners to keep their eclipse glasses and bring them along to this weekend’s service. “We’ve heard your cries for more […]

Unger Suspicion

Twitter Mourns the Loss of Jerry Lee Lewis

August 20, 2017 Andrew

FERRIDAY, LA There was an outpouring of grief for rock and roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis, who, according to reliable sources on Twitter, passed away last night at the age of 91. “The man was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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