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movies

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles

October 18, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Producers of the highly-anticipated Mennonite funeral thriller The Burial have opted to stretch the truth a little and remove all references to pickles and/or raisin buns from the movie. “Oba, a movie about the […]

Unger Suspicion

Sean Penn Confesses He’s Really a Penner

September 9, 2023 Andrew

SANTA MONICA, CA Hollywood icon Sean Penn appeared on The View today and confessed that he shortened his name name back in 1978 so as “not to appear too Mennonite.” “I’m a Penner,” said Penn. […]

Unger Suspicion

Sandra Bullock Donates Gently Used Oscar to Local Thrift Store

August 19, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After it turns out that the woman she portrayed in The Blind Side may not have been precisely the character the film made her out to be, actress Sandra Bullock has decided to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Can’t Decide Between Seeing ‘Barbie’ … or ‘Sound of Freedom’ for the Tenth Time

July 31, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Forget Oppenheimer, the real choice facing southern Manitobans these days is whether to dress in pink and go to the fun summer movie they actually want to see or to go yet again […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Barbenreimer’ Craze Strikes Rural Saskatchewan

July 23, 2023 Andrew

HAGUE, SK It seems that the Mennonite ban on attending movie theatres is over, as thousands of Mennos flocked to local cinemas this weekend to see either the new Barbie movie or the long-awaited docudrama […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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