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movies

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Church Packs Basement to Sing Hymns and Watch ‘Die Hard’

December 20, 2023 Andrew

NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON Folks at the North South Niagara MBBM Church sure were in a festive mood this week after they gathered in the basement to eat peanuts in paper bags, sing “Der Friedensfurst” and, most […]

Unger Suspicion

Five Nights at Frida’s is Scariest Mennonite Movie Ever

November 12, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Fans piling out of the theatre in La Crete, Alberta this week have declared Five Nights at Frida’s the scariest Mennonite movie ever made. “It’s about a young boy who has to spend […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles

October 18, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Producers of the highly-anticipated Mennonite funeral thriller The Burial have opted to stretch the truth a little and remove all references to pickles and/or raisin buns from the movie. “Oba, a movie about the […]

Unger Suspicion

Sean Penn Confesses He’s Really a Penner

September 9, 2023 Andrew

SANTA MONICA, CA Hollywood icon Sean Penn appeared on The View today and confessed that he shortened his name name back in 1978 so as “not to appear too Mennonite.” “I’m a Penner,” said Penn. […]

Unger Suspicion

Sandra Bullock Donates Gently Used Oscar to Local Thrift Store

August 19, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After it turns out that the woman she portrayed in The Blind Side may not have been precisely the character the film made her out to be, actress Sandra Bullock has decided to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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