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Unger & Thirst

Billionaires Rescued from Meatball Sub

June 21, 2023 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB The fate of highly successful flax farmer Darren Klassen and his billionaire farmer buddies hangs in the balance at a southern Manitoba sandwich shop this afternoon. “Will he risk it with the meatball […]

Unger Conviction

Steinbach Declared “Most Generous” Contributors to Church Gymnasium Funds

March 24, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB According to tax returns, residents of Steinbach, Manitoba tithe at a much higher rate than any other community in the country. “This is truly a generous community when it comes to paying pastors’ […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman’s Ice Cream Pails Full of Cash Completely Unaffected By Banking Crisis

March 21, 2023 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Unlike a significant number of her contemporaries, Mrs. Broesky of Linden, Alberta was completely unconcerned this week about the banking crisis south of the border. “Oba, I was getting messages on the WhatsApp […]

Unger Games

Christiano Ronaldo Signs $200 Million Deal with Hanover Kickers

December 31, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Hanover Kickers of the Manitoba Major Soccer League scored big this off-season with the signing of Portuguese superstar Christiano Ronaldo. The deal is rumoured to be worth upwards of $200 million a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Launches New Line of $99 NFT Trading Cards

December 26, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC When Pastor Randy hinted at a ‘major announcement’ this upcoming Sunday, everyone thought it was going to be either a resignation or pregnancy, but instead Pastor Randy unveiled an amazing new series of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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