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The Daily Bonnet

Credit Unions Forced to Conduct All Business in Low German

July 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Starting this August, the federal government will be enforcing decades old legislation that requires all credit union workers to refrain from speaking English, a language reserved exclusively for banks. “Only actual bankers will be […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers $1,000,000 in Deceased Grandma’s Margarine Containers

July 8, 2017 Andrew

WALDHEIM, SK Area woman Rebecca Rempel was helping to clean up her recently deceased grandmother’s house, when she made a discovery that changed the course of her life forever. On the upper floor of Grandma Rempel’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Couple Builds 6500 Square Foot ‘Tiny House’

July 3, 2017 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB A local childfree couple has just finished construction on what experts are calling the largest tiny house in the world. Joel and Amber Goerzen plan to move into the eight-million dollar tiny house at […]

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Prices Soar to Record Highs

June 20, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY When the New York Stock Exchange ended trading on Monday, the price of schmaunt fat closed at a record high of $123.21 a barrel, smashing the previous record of just over $115. […]

Unger & Thirst

Lemonade Stand Money Goes Directly to Dad

June 12, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Like all money generated by any member of the Wiens family, the income produced by Susie and Danny’s lemonade stand this weekend went directly to their father. “If they’re living under my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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