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marriage

The Daily Bonnet

Rumours Fly as Mennonite Man is Spotted at Jewelry Store

April 13, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Kyle Reimer, 23, was spotted at a local jewelry store this week, which sparked several rumours about an upcoming engagement. “Oba, I didn’t even know he was dating anyone,” said Mrs. […]

Unger Suspicion

Smoke Detector Battery Conveniently Programmed to Expire and Chirp Loudly at 2 in the Morning

December 5, 2023 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB After five years of hard work keeping the family safe, a 9V battery in the Loewen home over in Mitchell is set to conveniently expire and chirp incessantly starting at about 2 this […]

Unger the Influence

Protestors Excited that Trudeau is Finally Single

August 2, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON For a few years now, thousands of Justin Trudeau’s most passionate admirers have taken to the streets with signs that, albeit rather crass, nevertheless have expressed their undying love for the Prime Minister. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Rules Thumbs Up Emoji Counts as Legally Binding Marriage Proposal

July 7, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK The North Rosthern MB Church is inviting everyone to the wedding of Christopher Peters and Alison Funk this Sunday after Christopher inadvertently gave a “thumbs up” to one of Alison’s posts. “As far […]

Daily Bonnet

Beloved Mennonite Sex Educator to Be Honoured at Church this Sunday

July 3, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Renowned Mennonite sex educator Susanna Janzen, 91, will be honoured at the morning service this Sunday for her tireless dedication to keep Mennonites from finding out anything about sex until well after […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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