Smoke Detector Battery Conveniently Programmed to Expire and Chirp Loudly at 2 in the Morning


After five years of hard work keeping the family safe, a 9V battery in the Loewen home over in Mitchell is set to conveniently expire and chirp incessantly starting at about 2 this morning.

“I’m sure glad they program these things to chirp annoyingly only in the middle of the night,” said Pedro Loewen. “We’ve got four of these around the house and Tina and I are going to spend the next several months waiting with bated breath for the post-midnight expiration of each and every one of these batteries.”

Even though these batteries have had plenty of opportunity to expire and begin chirping during daylight hours, manufacturers prefer to program them to go off sometime between 1:30 and 4 AM.

“It’s just another way we can help serve the community,” said battery manufacturer Hans Neufeld. “I like to think of that after hours battery-changing experience as a way to bring families together.”

So far the Loewens have replaced two smoke alarm batteries in the middle of the night and Tina says she’s already got her elbow sharpened and ready to nudge Pedro to go replace the next couple batteries.

“Plus there’s the carbon monoxide detector. Those always expire after midnight, too,” said Tina. “But, you know, my Pedro shouldn’t complain. Once we’re awake and it’s 2 AM, he sometimes gets an unexpected meddachschlop.”

Rumour has it, it’s Pedro Loewen, himself, who’s been setting the batteries to expire late at night just so he can take advantage of Tina’s generous offers.

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