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The Daily Bonnet

Taylor Swift Spotted on Kansas Farm in Full Mennonite Attire

October 1, 2023 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Just days after first hooking up with Kansas City football star Travis Kelce, pop star Taylor Swift has fully immersed herself  in Kansas Mennonite culture. “We knew it wouldn’t take long and she’d […]

Unger & Thirst

MennoCon23 Attendee Caught Skipping Session to Get BBQ

July 5, 2023 Andrew

KANSAS CITY, MO Mrs. Janzen, delegate from Oregon Mennonite Church, was caught skipping the afternoon seminar this Wednesday to get ahead of the rush at Arthur Bryant’s. “What do you expect?” said Janzen. “We don’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Men Compete to See Who Looks Sexiest in a Seed Company Cap

November 5, 2022 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Thousands of Mennonite men gathered just outside Newton, Kansas this week to strut their stuff in a wide range of seed and feed company hats. “We’ve got men in seed caps coming in […]

Unger Suspicion

Joe Biden to be Replaced with Napping Mennonite Man

December 7, 2021 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS After a tight vote in the US Senate, President Joe Biden has been ousted and will be replaced with a half-asleep Mennonite man from just outside Goessel, Kansas. “Shhh, you don’t want to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Newton’s “World’s Tallest Mennonite” Drafted by Golden State Warriors

March 4, 2021 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Hailing from Newton, Kansas, the 17-foot limestone Mennonite Settler statue known across the globe as the “World’s Tallest Mennonite” has finally reached his true calling: playing center for the Golden State Warriors. “After […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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