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The Daily Bonnet

‘Sexy Mennonite’ Costume Flying Off the Shelves this Halloween

October 28, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Costumes stores across the country have been running out of stock of this year’s hottest Halloween trend, the Sexy Mennonite. “Last year it was the Sexy Nurse and the Sexy Superhero, but this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Heated Political Discussion Leads to Brawl at Friesen Thanksgiving Gathering

October 13, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Uncle Henry, 71, had his own nephew Peter, 20, in a headlock this Sunday after Mrs. Friesen didn’t keep a tight enough rein on the political discussions around the dinner table. “I should […]

Unger & Thirst

Ten Authentic Mennonite Dishes to Make for Mennonite Heritage Week

September 8, 2019 Andrew

It’s finally here! Mennonite Heritage Week! A time to sit back and reflect on everything that it means to be Mennonite. While you’re arguing in the church lobby about the nuances of being a pacifist […]

Unger Suspicion

Crazy Unpatriotic Canadian Celebrates 4th of July Three Days Early

July 1, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Concerned citizen Mr. Yoder of Lancaster is livid this week after discovering that Canadians celebrate the 4th of July a full three days early. “It’s disgusting! Those Canadians have no patriotism at all!” […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Woman Burns Hole In Her Tongue Eating Cinnamon Hearts

February 14, 2019 Andrew

WHITEMOUTH, MB Local woman Anne Kauenhofen burned a hole straight through her tongue after binging on an entire package of cinnamon hearts during a lonely evening watching “The Bachelor” this Valentine’s Day. “Those things are […]

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