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hockey

Unger Games

Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations

May 13, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A few short days after being tossed from the playoffs and firing yet another head coach, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced the signing of Loblaws CEO Galen Weston, renowned across the country […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Child Learns Whole New Vocabulary While Dad is Watching the Jets Game

April 28, 2024 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Area child Jeremy Klassen, 7, has expanded his Plautdietsch vocabulary tenfold this afternoon while his father Sam, 39, watched yet another abysmal performance by the Winnipeg Jets.  “Daddy, what does Schinda mean?” wondered […]

Unger Games

Jantsied Beats Ditsied for First Time in 26 Years

April 27, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Oba jo, that was quite the Turnbull Cup as the Jantsied Flyers defeated the Ditsied Pistons 4 games to nothing yet once. “Nah, jung, you finally did it,” said Abe Janzen of Jantsied. […]

Unger Games

Matt Rempe Insists He’s Not a Rempel

April 22, 2024 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY The heroics of young New York Rangers centre Matt Rempe this weekend had folks, especially Mennonites, scratching their heads in puzzlement. “When I saw that in the Free Press, I thought for […]

Unger Games

Thousands Gather in Winnipeg for Wite-Out Party

April 21, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Streets are closed for several blocks surrounding the South Kildonan EMB Church this weekend as thousands are expected to gather for the first annual Wite-Out Party. “We’re correcting all the errors in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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