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Unger Suspicion

Jets Fans Toss Amish Hats onto the Ice to Celebrate Patrik Laine’s Hat Trick

March 7, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There were more than a few Winnipeg Jets fans at Madison Square Gardens last night to witness the young Finnish superstar, and wanna-Anabaptist, Patrik Laine score three goals against the lowly Rangers. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Canadians Heartbroken After American Crokinole Squad Defeats Team Canada in Shootout

February 23, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA Extra time was needed to decide the Gold Medal in Women’s Crokinole at the 2018 Winter Olympics on Wednesday. After two hours where neither team was able to reach that 100 point […]

Unger Suspicion

Patrik Laine Has Now Officially Passed Jonathan Toews in Total Mennoniteness

February 21, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Despite his Finnish origin and inability to speak Plautdietsch, Winnipeg Jets star Patrik Laine is now officially even more Menno than Jonathan Toews. According to sources, his moustacheless beard was inspired by the […]

Unger Games

Children Support Literacy By Reading to Hockey Players

February 16, 2018 Andrew

BRANDON, MB February is ‘I Love to Read’ month and that means children across the province will be taking time out of their busy schedules to promote literacy in the hockey playing population. One local […]

Unger Games

Canadian Olympians Forced to Pay Back Half Their Medals in Taxes

February 13, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA Always on the lookout for new sources of revenue, the Canadian government has announced it will be taxing Olympic medals at the top income tax bracket of 48.7 percent. The medals will […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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