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Unger & Thirst

Rogers Crew Getting Really Fat From All This Mennonite Food

March 10, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After hitting up Winkler last weekend and Steinbach this weekend, the Rogers Sportsnet crew has gained an average of twenty-three pounds in just two weeks. “When we chose to do Hometown Hockey in […]

Unger Suspicion

Minor Hockey Team Loses Miserably After Forgetting to Play ‘We Will Rock You’

February 23, 2019 Andrew

KENORA, ON A minor hockey team in Kenora is in tears tonight after the sound guy at the arena forgot to play “We Will Rock You” as the team entered the ice. The team subsequently […]

Unger Suspicion

Patrik Laine Considers Bringing Back ‘Lucky Mennonite Beard’ After Recent Slump

January 10, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Young Finnish phenom Patrik Laine has been in a slump as of late and hockey experts are pointing to only one possible cause of his scoreless streak – shaving off his Menno beard. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Attends His First Vanapag Jats Game

December 8, 2018 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB Local man, Abraham Krahn of North Kildonan, was thrilled to get some free tickets to see his favourite hockey team the Vanapag Jats in action last night against the St. Louis Blues. “Its […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Hires Connor Hellebuyck to Strain Her Potatoes

December 2, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg Jets goaltender Connor Hellebuyck has been in high demand with local Mennonite women, who have been hiring him to strain their potatoes and other items for the past couple months. “He’s a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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