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health

Unger Suspicion

Bono Vows to Fight the Abes Epidemic in Winkler

August 9, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Famed rock singer and humanitarian Bono met with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau this past week to encourage the leader to do something about the Abes epidemic in the small Mennonite city of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Rescued After Literally Knitting Herself Into a Corner

August 7, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Martha Toews, 91, of Kitchener was rescued by emergency personnel this weekend from her apartment at Greenhaven Manor after she had inadvertently knitted herself into a corner that she could not escape. “That’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Area Cyclists Shocked By the Presence of Pedestrians on the Sidewalk

July 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There is a growing community of cyclists across the city of Steinbach who have abandoned designated bicycle lanes in favour of riding their mountain bikes on the sidewalks. However, some area cyclists are now concerned […]

Unger Games

Hospital Entrance to be Converted into Skate Park

June 29, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As part of a long-term plan to make Steinbach more skateboard-friendly, the local hospital ramp is currently undergoing construction to be converted into a massive skate park. “Increased hospital access for skateboarders is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Blames His Narrow Mind on the Zika Virus

May 19, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler resident and xenophobe Eric Bergen, 38, is certain that a mosquito is the sole cause of his narrow-mindedness. “There really is no other explanation,” says Bergen from his mother’s basement that he has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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