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health

The Daily Bonnet

Lancaster Hospital Opens New Wing to Deal with Dutch Blitz Injuries

July 17, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Central Mennonite Hospital in Lancaster, Pennsylvania is planning to open an $80 million wing dedicated to treating Dutch Blitz injuries. “After thousands of injuries in the past few years, and even a few […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Fills Tub…Then Adds Water

July 3, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Sometimes art imitates life, while other times life imitates art. Well, for one Mennonite lady, it was definitely a case of the latter, because, just as in the classic Mennonite joke, Mrs. Froese completely filled […]

Unger & Thirst

Uncle Undoes Pants Button to Make Room for More Sausage

July 2, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB At about 2:00 pm this Sunday, the eating time at the Vogt family picnic at AD Penner Park was thought to be over. The kids had moved on to play on the zip-line, […]

Unger & Thirst

Wonder Oil to be Added to Town Drinking Water

June 21, 2017 Andrew

BLUMSTEIN, MB Decades after fluoride was controversially added to the drinking water of many English communities, the small town of Blumstein, Manitoba has become the first in the region to pump Wonder Oil into the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Sells Tomato Juice Miracle Cure

June 16, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB They’re calling him ‘Tomato Juice Penner’ and people are coming from miles around to purchase his ‘miraculous’ tomato juice elixir. “Step right up, folks. Step right up. Have I got the stuff for […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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