ALTONA, MB After failing to get the winning bid at the last five church quilt auctions, Mrs. Donna Toews, 71, of Altona is now claiming that the whole system is rigged. “I’ve got evidence – I […]
LANCASTER, PA CNN is expecting record viewership tonight as it plans for the first ever live broadcast of a Mennonite elder board meeting. “Some people haven’t been paying attention to the current Mennonite election cycle and […]
NEW YORK, NY Following a $12 billion bid for the notorious news outlet, a group of pacifist Mennonite investors has successfully taken ownership of Fox News and are planning to turn it into a channel that promotes […]
CANNES, FRANCE In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.” […]
WASHINGTON, DC As videos continue to surface on the Internet that show Mrs. Clinton with unusual facial ticks and long bathroom breaks, some Mennonite pundits are suggesting Hillary Clinton may not have the physical stamina necessary […]
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