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Unger Suspicion

French Police Arrest Mennonite Women for Not Dressing Sexy Enough at the Beach

August 26, 2016 Andrew

CANNES, FRANCE In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.” […]

Unger Suspicion

Questions about Hillary Clinton’s Health May Disqualify Her From Ushering in Church

August 23, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC As videos continue to surface on the Internet that show Mrs. Clinton with unusual facial ticks and long bathroom breaks, some Mennonite pundits are suggesting Hillary Clinton may not have the physical stamina necessary […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lobby Group Promotes “Abstinence Only” Dance Education

August 18, 2016 Andrew

KALONA, IA A concerned group of Iowa Mennonites has met with the director of the Department of Education to request the inclusion of abstinence-only dance education in the state curriculum. “Total abstinence from dancing is the […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Confuses Yerba Mate for Marijuana

August 12, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB On a recent visit to the small Mennonite city of Steinbach, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who was elected last fall on a promise to legalize marijuana, mistook a yerba mate gourd offered to him […]

Unger & Thirst

New Steinbach Craft Brewer Forced By Law to Make Root Beer

August 6, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As increasing numbers of people around the world abandon the flavourless swill produced by the large brewing companies, closet Mennonite drinkers, too, have been embracing smaller locally made craft beer. Steinbach, Manitoba, for […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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