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government

Unger Suspicion

Fox News Sold to Group of Mennonite Investors; New Channel to Promote ‘Peace, Love, and Understanding’

September 13, 2016 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Following a $12 billion bid for the notorious news outlet, a group of pacifist Mennonite investors has successfully taken ownership of Fox News and are planning to turn it into a channel that promotes […]

Unger Suspicion

French Police Arrest Mennonite Women for Not Dressing Sexy Enough at the Beach

August 26, 2016 Andrew

CANNES, FRANCE In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.” […]

Unger Suspicion

Questions about Hillary Clinton’s Health May Disqualify Her From Ushering in Church

August 23, 2016 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC As videos continue to surface on the Internet that show Mrs. Clinton with unusual facial ticks and long bathroom breaks, some Mennonite pundits are suggesting Hillary Clinton may not have the physical stamina necessary […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lobby Group Promotes “Abstinence Only” Dance Education

August 18, 2016 Andrew

KALONA, IA A concerned group of Iowa Mennonites has met with the director of the Department of Education to request the inclusion of abstinence-only dance education in the state curriculum. “Total abstinence from dancing is the […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Confuses Yerba Mate for Marijuana

August 12, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB On a recent visit to the small Mennonite city of Steinbach, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who was elected last fall on a promise to legalize marijuana, mistook a yerba mate gourd offered to him […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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