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gardening

The Daily Bonnet

Abbotsford Woman Experiences Embarrassing Bout of Garden Envy

November 10, 2021 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After a visit to Butchart Gardens on Vancouver Island this week, Mrs. Klassen, 83, of Abbotsford experienced mysterious new feelings she’d never felt before in her life. “I can’t say for certain, but […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Residents to Get Bolt Cutters in their Stockings this Christmas

November 18, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the heroic display by Steinbach’s now infamous counter-protestor, bolt cutters have been flying off the shelves at local stores offering curbside pickup. “I was thinking of getting my Nettie a pair of […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Fearless” Invading Army Chased Out of Steinbach By a Gardening Implement

November 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was a battle for the ages … or as close as it gets in a town full of pacifists, anyway. A “brave and mighty” army of “fearless” warriors from Winnipeg (and a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Has So Much Extra Rhubarb She Just Doesn’t Know What to Do with it All

July 1, 2020 Andrew

MORRIS, MB Even though it’s early in the season, Mrs. Doerksen has already more rhubarb than she can handle and just doesn’t know what to do with it all, since everyone else in town is […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Garden Thief Claims She Was “Just Trying to Make Somma Borscht”

June 17, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB An undercover stakeout of the Plett’s garden last night had led the arrest of Mrs. Dueck, 61, caught red-handed stealing all the ingredients necessary to make a delicious somma borscht. “Oba, why’d she […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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