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The Daily Bonnet

Anabaptist Woman Seen With Two Men a Night

February 22, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Rumours about Mrs. Yoder spread like wildfire after she was seen playing Scrabble with Mr. Shenk at 6:15 and had moved on to challenge Mr. Zehr by a little after 8:00. “She’s a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler-Steinbach Rivalry to Be Settled With Winner-Take-All Dutch Blitz Tournament

February 20, 2019 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB After years of bitter rivalry between the two Mennonite megalopolises, a grand Dutch Blitz tournament will forever determine who are the better Mennonites. Winkler and Steinbach will send their best Dutch Blitz players to Rosenort, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cousin Aggie Caught Flipping Two Cards at a Time Instead of Three

January 6, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Cousin Aganetha has been barred from ever attending another Sunday afternoon Dutch Blitz match after it was discovered she had been flipping over just two cards at a time from the “Wood Pile” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Missing Knipser Finally Found

September 23, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Bergmanns of Reinland had been unable to play a proper game of knipsbrat (or knipsdesh as they call it in their Jantsied dialect) since a gathering this summer, because they did not […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Uses Potato Sack Race to Determine New Pastor

August 29, 2018 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Deviating from the common practice of determining all leadership positions by the drawing of straws, the folks at West Linden Mennonite have decided to pick a new head honcho using a potato sack […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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