Mennonite Church Uses Potato Sack Race to Determine New Pastor


Deviating from the common practice of determining all leadership positions by the drawing of straws, the folks at West Linden Mennonite have decided to pick a new head honcho using a potato sack race. In contention were seminary graduates Mr. Dueck and Mr. Froese, as well as little Timmy Wiebe, who’s now entering grade seven.

“It was really sad to see Mr. Dueck go down like that,” said church board member, Mr. Pankratz. “He’s the only ordained minister among the bunch. I guess they should spend less time studying Greek and more time on their sack racing skills.”

After fifty metres, it was a tight race between Mr. Froese and Timmy Wiebe, although a hip check by an onlooker sent Mr. Froese flying and gave Timmy Wiebe the victory.

“I’d like to thank my buddy Alex Penner for laying one on Mr. Froese like that,” said Timmy Wiebe. “From now on the kids are in charge of West Linden!”

Reverend Wiebe says there are going to be some big changes around the church, starting with a massive Fortnite tournament this Sunday morning.

“The sermons will also be a lot shorter,” said Reverend Wiebe. “And no more vegetables at faspa!”

Members of West Linden pastoral search committee, say they are satisfied with the results and may look into using potato sack races to determine other leadership positions in the church.

“I think we might make them arm wrestle for the Women’s Ministry chair and maybe a three-legged race to figure out who’ll be the new Sunday School superintendent,” said Mr. Pankratz. “It’ll save us a lot of hours in long boring committee meetings.”

The church is also planning to use potato sack races to determine a position on contentious doctrinal issues, saying it’s the only way to prevent another schism.

(photo credit: julie bywater-lees/CC)

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