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frugality

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Selling Hand Sanitizer for $80 a Squirt

March 10, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After snagging the last remaining bottles of hand sanitizer in Steinbach, local man Mr. Dueck is now standing on the corner of Main and Reimer asking for eighty bucks a squirt. “The response […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Leaves Generous Tip of Two Gospel Tracts

March 5, 2020 Andrew

KIDRON, OH A waitress at a coffee shop in Kidron was excited by the generous tip left by one of her patrons this morning. After ordering two slices of toast and a glass of orange […]

Unger & Thirst

Even Borscht is No Longer ‘Cheap as Borscht’ After Surge in Cabbage Prices

February 19, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC A cabbage spill on the highway in British Columbia this week has resulted in a cabbage shortage and a corresponding surge in prices. This has sent Mennonites across the globe searching for a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandma Disappoints Children with Honest Birthday Cards

February 16, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Doerksen, 81, of Altona has decided to cut to the chase for birthdays this year and write in big bold letters on the outside of each envelope, “No money enclosed.” “I don’t […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Rage Against the Machine’ Smashes Capitalism with $300 Concert Tickets

February 13, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB With ticket prices starting at $190 for nosebleed seats and soaring upwards from there, legendary leftist rap metal band Rage Against the Machine has successfully reached its target audience: the bourgeoisie. “We’ve always […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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