Mennonite Grandma Disappoints Children with Honest Birthday Cards


Mrs. Doerksen, 81, of Altona has decided to cut to the chase for birthdays this year and write in big bold letters on the outside of each envelope, “No money enclosed.”

“I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression,” said Mrs. Doersken. “All you’re going to find when you open that thing is a barely legible Bible verse scrawled with a Bic pen on a Hallmark card. That’s it!”

Normally the Doerksen kids carefully and delicately open their cards anticipating a cheque to fall out.

“Oh, they all act like they don’t care about the money and then they pretend to read the little notes I write, but who are they kidding? They’re just being polite,” explained Mrs. Doerksen. “With my new method, no one has to fake it. It’s all right there on the outside of the card.”

After Mrs. Doerksen announced her new method there was a dramatic decrease in the number of grandchildren bothering to open the cards.

Apparently this is just fine with Mrs. Doerksen who says she’s not even going to give out cards next year and they all can be satisfied with a few wet kisses and a stick of Juicy Fruit.

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