Chris Wallace to Moderate Upcoming Mennonite Church Board Meeting


After a stellar performance at the Presidential debate in which he always had things under complete control, Fox News anchor Chris Wallace has been tasked with his biggest challenge yet: moderating an upcoming Mennonite Church board meeting.

“People have already warned me that there’s more bad blood and interrupting in the first ten minutes of a Mennonite board meeting than in a full two hour Presidential debate,” said Wallace. “Apparently, these Mennonites are pacifists … well, I guess we’ll see now won’t we.”

Wallace will be presiding over a run-of-mill church meeting where the agenda includes a wide range of uncontentious issues such as equal marriage, baptismal method, and the pastor’s salary.

“We had to bring in Chris Wallace. We really wanted to get Mr. Stoltzfus under control,” said church member Mr. Kraybill. “If you don’t watch out he’ll talk over everyone and try to dominate the conversation.”

The church board is really hoping for a peaceful and harmonious meeting and feel that the presence of Chris Wallace could do the trick.

“Sometimes it’s good to bring in an outsider who doesn’t understand Pennsylvania Dutch,” said Kraybill. “As long as he turns off Mr. Stoltzfus’s mic and calls him out on his BS, we should be fine.”

Chris Wallace will be in facilitating two more elder board meetings and a really important one in November when the new minister is elected by praying and then pulling random names from a black wide-brimmed hat.

(photo credit: Maryland GovPics/CC)

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