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food

Unger Suspicion

Hidden Farmer Sausage Discovered in Obama’s Portrait

February 15, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC “It’s clearly a secret message for the Russian Mennonite community,” said Elder Janzen of Omaha. “He had formavorscht on the brain.” Janzen is referring to the recent portrait of former President Barack Obama, […]

Quizzes

How Many of These Typical Mennonite Things Have You Done?

January 31, 2018 Andrew

How Mennonite are you? Give yourself one point for each of the following typical Mennonite things you’ve done. Add up your score. How many points did you get? Been baptized (not as an infant) Sang […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s ‘Abstinence in a Pan’ Declared Worst Dessert at Church Bake Sale

January 14, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS The Wichita Mennonite Church Bake Sale generated lower than expected revenue this week, due in part to the extreme unpopularity of Mrs. Deirdre Jansen’s ‘Abstinence in a Pan’ dessert. The dessert, a variation […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Overstays Welcome By Two Years

December 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The Klippensteins of Friedensfield showed up uninvited at the Giesbrecht family home in Altona for a dinner party in the fall of 2015 and have finally decided to leave after Mrs. Edna Giesbrecht […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Cancels Italy Trip After Discovering Olive Garden

November 5, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB An area woman has decided to cancel her upcoming “vacation of a lifetime” to Italy after discovering the rustic regional Italian cuisine of Olive Garden. Mrs. Eleanor Schmidt, a retired nurse from Linden […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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