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food

Unger & Thirst

What do you call these things?

December 31, 2023 Andrew

They’re an annual tradition, something that brings Mennonites of all shapes and sizes together, but one thing we can’t agree on – just what do you call those golden balls of a New Year’s deliciousness? […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Bids Fond Farewell to Future Farmer Sausage

July 26, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Earlier this week, Mrs. Erin Neufeld, 22, of Grunthal, Manitoba paid her last respects to her beloved pig Stockwell, named after the former leader of the Canadian Alliance Party. “I’ll be seeing you […]

Unger & Thirst

Béchamel Sauce Revealed to be Nothing More than Schmaunt Fat

April 21, 2023 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The white roux known as béchamel sauce has been revealed to be nothing more than the Russian Mennonite peasant dish known as schmaunt fat. The revelation sent shockwaves across the haute cuisine community. […]

Unger & Thirst

5 Dishes in the Mennonite Treasury Cookbook that No One Actually Makes

February 20, 2023 Andrew

We all know the most famous “Russian Mennonite” dishes like vereniki, schmaunt fat, glums koki, kiekle and roll kuchen, but what if we took a little deeper dive into the “Bible of Mennonite cuisine” aka […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Attends Super Bowl Party Just for the Snacks

February 12, 2023 Andrew

AKRON, PA Even before the opening kickoff, Mrs. Funk had already filled three Tupperware containers with snacks at the West Akron Mennonite Church Super Bowl party. “What a beautiful array of dainties this year,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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