What do you call these things?

They’re an annual tradition, something that brings Mennonites of all shapes and sizes together, but one thing we can’t agree on – just what do you call those golden balls of a New Year’s deliciousness? Your name for these treats really says a lot about you, so let’s check out the options.

  • Niejoahschkuake – If you recognize this word and can pronounce it with ease, you’re probably from Chihuahua or Jantsied. You get 10 Mennonite points.
  • Portzelky – You’re from Saskatoon or Winnipeg and above the age of 80. Congrats. 5 Mennonite points.
  • Silvesterkekse – If you call them this, then you’re likely a Russlander who thinks you’re too good for Low German. 200 points.
  • New Year’s Cookies – This terminology indicates you’re familiar with the treat, but probably have no idea how to make them. 2 Mennonite points.
  • Fritters – Okay, now you’re just guessing. Minus 5 Mennonite points.
  • Olieballen – You’re Dutch. You get a free pass as this is likely where we got this recipe. Make up your own points.
  • Golden Globes – You’re an avid reader of the Daily Bonnet and Unger Review. 500 points.
  • No freakin’ clue – At least you’re honest and that counts for something. 63 Mennonite points.
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