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Unger Games

Florida Panthers Give Out Free Slurpees Made from Game-Used Ice

June 25, 2024 Andrew

MIAMI, FL In order to celebrate their first Stanley Cup victory since the team arrived in Miami, the Florida Panthers have scooped up all the ice from Game 7 and turned it into refreshing 7-11 […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Sets Off Rocket After Calling the Kids in for “Launch”

August 20, 2023 Andrew

PINECRAFT, FL Mrs. Kroeker was vacationing with the family in Florida this week, when she inadvertently launched a rocket ship over in Cape Canaveral. “Oba, I was just calling in the kids for launch yet,” […]

Unger Suspicion

Mickey Mouse Learns Plautdietsch to Accommodate All the Mennonites at Disney World Right Now

March 28, 2023 Andrew

ORLANDO, FL With a bevy of cheap flights sending Mennonites to Florida this week, residents of Disney World have been brushing up on their Plautdietsch, not to mention the theme park’s record-setting order of roll […]

Unger Games

Morrissey Spotted at NHL All-Star Game

February 5, 2023 Andrew

SUNRISE, FL Controversial British rocker Morrissey was spotted at the NHL All Star Game in Florida this weekend, where he picked up two assists and placed third in the slap shot competition. “Who would have […]

Unger Games

Empty Arenas Give Canadian Fans an ‘Authentic Florida Hockey Experience’

January 18, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Eager to share an authentic Florida hockey experience with its northern fans, the NHL has decided to play the entire season in empty arenas. “I think those Canadian fans don’t know what it’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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