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Unger Conviction

Thousands of Mennonites Miss Church Due to Time Change

March 12, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mennonite churches across North America were half full this morning as thousands of church-goers slept in due to the time change. “My first thought, as it always is whenever attendance is low was, ‘oh, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Dad’s Jokes Fall Flat at Local Smitty’s

February 24, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local father-of-four Jake Klassen received nothing but rolled eyes at the local Smitty’s this past Sunday after testing out his new comedy routine on the indulgent waitress. “Oh, gosh, Dad, please just order […]

Unger Conviction

Fists Fly After Loewen Family Sits in Penner Family Pew

February 21, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Fifteen members of the Loewen family and twenty-three Penners were hospitalized this past week after a brawl broke out at the local Mennonite church. The brawl seems to have been initiated after four […]

The Daily Bonnet

With the Kids at Grandma’s Tonight, Mennonite Couple Finally Gets a Chance to Play Scrabble

February 14, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mennonite couples across southern Manitoba are planning to celebrate Valentine’s Day the only way they know how: by playing Scrabble. “It’ll be nice to have some time to ourselves for once. We’ve sent […]

The Daily Bonnet

Children Walk In On Parents Having Meddachschlop

December 28, 2016 Andrew

STEINREICH, MB Everyone in the Loewen family was peacefully asleep having a nice afternoon meddachschlop this past Sunday, when all of a sudden young Ethan and Brittany were awoken by peculiar sounds they just had to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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