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The Daily Bonnet

‘Knipsbrat and Chill???’: Mennonite Woman Receives Late Night Text

April 16, 2019 Andrew

YARROW, BC Helen Poetker, 47, of Yarrow, BC received an unusual text from her on-again off-again boyfriend Heinrich this past week. The text, which was sent sometime after 1 in the morning said, “Been a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Dating Site Guarantees a Menno Match!

April 15, 2019 Andrew

The folks at Mennodate use sophisticated algorithms to guarantee a suitable match. All you have to do is answer a few simple questions and you’ll find love in no time. Here’s a sample of some […]

The Daily Bonnet

Anabaptist Woman Seen With Two Men a Night

February 22, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Rumours about Mrs. Yoder spread like wildfire after she was seen playing Scrabble with Mr. Shenk at 6:15 and had moved on to challenge Mr. Zehr by a little after 8:00. “She’s a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Confuses Genealogy Website for Dating App

October 8, 2018 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Aghast at the prices of more famous ancestry websites, local woman Amy Penner decided to subscribe to Grandma’s Window, a much more affordable website dedicated exclusively to Russian Mennonite genealogy. The problem […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Tinkers with Grandma Penner’s Recipes

October 6, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB For the past three years, local bachelor Darryl Penner, 41, has been attempting to improve his grandmother’s beloved Mennonite recipes and, just this past weekend, he finally decided to reveal his improved versions […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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