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The Daily Bonnet

Dating Mennonite Couple Go Over to Grandma’s to Make Sure They’re Not Too Closely Related

July 17, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, SK Emily Wiebe, 20, and Patrick Penner, 19, have been dating since they first met in period 5 History a couple years ago. Now things are getting serious and they decided they better pay […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Swipes Right on Her Own Cousin

June 14, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Melissa Epp, 20, of La Crete, Alberta was casually scrolling Tinder last night when she stopped on a dreamy young man from Cuauhtémoc who looked to be just her type. “So, naturally […]

Unger Conviction

Bible School Expands ‘Six Inch Rule’ to ‘Six Foot Rule’

March 15, 2020 Andrew

FOUR MOUNTAINS, BC A local Bible school is taking drastic measures to prevent the spread of the pandemic by expanding the six-inch buffer zone between opposite-gender students to a full six feet. “We’ve always taken […]

The Daily Bonnet

Where did you meet your Mennonite spouse?

August 27, 2019 Andrew

There are only so many places that Mennonites meet. In order to get a better sense of just where these meetings occur, the Daily Bonnet Sociological Society has established this survey. So, where did you […]

Unger & Thirst

Sound of Knacking Zoat Used as Mennonite Mating Call

May 2, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Young Mennonite men throughout the Grunthal region, including Gnadenfeld, Kronsgard, and Alt-Bergfeld, have been loudly knacking their zoat on the back of Ernie Friesen’s pick-up truck this weekend in hopes of attracting eligible […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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